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Subject: Fw: Basic Business Management Course

Jonathon E Lyons

This Email is for non bussiness Emails only !

From: "Jonathon lyons" <██████████████████████
Date: Thu, 10 Jun 2010 12:54:08 +0000
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Subject: Fw: Basic Business Management Course

Jonathon E .Lyons
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www.thejewelevents.com

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Subject: FW: Basic Business Management Course

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Have a great day,
Fred

Subject: Basic Business Management Course

[x]

Management Course

## <u>Lesson 1:</u>

## >A man is getting into
the shower just as his
>wife is finishing up
her shower, when the
doorbell

## >A man is getting into
the shower just as his
>wife is finishing up
her shower, when the
doorbell (cont.)

## > rings.
>The wife quickly
wraps herself in a
towel and
>runs downstairs.

# >When she opens the
door, there stands
Bob,
>the next-door
neighbor.
>Before she says a
word, Bob says, 'I'll
give
>you $800 to drop that

# >When she opens the
door, there stands
Bob,
>the next-door
neighbor.
>Before she says a
word, Bob says, 'I'll
give
>you $800 to drop that (cont.)

towel.'
>After thinking for a
moment, the woman
drops
>her towel and stands
naked in front of Bob,
after
>a few seconds, Bob
hands her $800 and
leaves.
>The woman wraps
back up in the towel
and goes
>back upstairs.

# >When she opens the
door, there stands
Bob,
>the next-door
neighbor.
>Before she says a
word, Bob says, 'I'll
give
>you $800 to drop that (cont.)

# >When she gets to the
bathroom, her
husband

>asks, 'Who was that?'

>'It was Bob the next
door neighbor,' she
> replies.

>'Great,' the husband
says, 'did he say
anything
>about the $800 he

owes me?'

<u>>Moral of the story:</u>

# >When she gets to the
bathroom, her
husband (cont.)

>Ifyou share critical
information pertaining
>to credit and risk with
your shareholders in
time,
> you may be in a
position to prevent
avoidable
> exposure.

<u>>Lesson 2:</u>
>A priest offered a
Nun a lift.
>She got in and

# >When she gets to the
bathroom, her
husband (cont.)

crossed her legs,
forcing her
>gown to reveal a leg.

>The priest nearly had
an accident.

>After controlling the
car, he stealthily slid
>his hand up her leg.
>The nun said,
'Father, remember
Psalm 129?'

>The priest removed
his hand. But,
changing

# >When she gets to the
bathroom, her
husband (cont.)

>gears, he let his hand
slide up her leg again.
>The nun once again
said, 'Father,
remember
>Psalm 129?'

>The priest apologized
'Sorry sister but the
>flesh is weak.'

>Arriving at the
convent, the nun
sighed heavily
>and went on her way.
>On his arrival at the

# >When she gets to the
bathroom, her
husband (cont.)

church, the priest
rushed
>to look up Psalm 129.
It said, 'Go forth and
seek,

> further up, you will
find glory.'

<u>>Moral of the story:</u>
>Ifyou are not well
informed in your job,
you
>might miss a great
opportunity.

<u>>Lesson 3:</u>

# >When she gets to the
bathroom, her
husband (cont.)

# >When she gets to the
bathroom, her
husband (cont.)

## >A sales rep, an
administration clerk,
and the

> manager are walking
to lunch when they
find an
> antique oil lamp.
>They rub it and a
Genie comes out.
>The Genie says, 'I'll
give each of you just
>one wish.'
>'Me first! Me first!'
says the admin clerk.

# >When she gets to the
bathroom, her
husband (cont.)

## >A sales rep, an
administration clerk,
and the (cont.)

# >When she gets to the
bathroom, her
husband (cont.)

## >'I want to be in the
Bahamas , driving a
speedboat,
> without a care in the
world.'
>Puff! She's gone.

>'Me next! Me next!'
says the sales rep.. 'I
>want to be in Hawaii ,
relaxing on the beach
with my personal
>masseuse, an endless
supply of Pina Coladas
and
>the love of my life.'

# >When she gets to the
bathroom, her
husband (cont.)

## >'I want to be in the
Bahamas , driving a
speedboat,
> without a care in the
world.'
>Puff! She's gone. (cont.)

# >Puff! He's gone.
>'OK, you're up,' the
Genie says to the
manager.

>The manager says, 'I
want those two back in
>the office after
>lunch.'

# <u>>Moral of the story:</u>
>Always let your boss
have thefirst say.

<u>>Lesson 4</u>

>An eagle was sitting

# <u>>Moral of the story:</u>
>Always let your boss
have thefirst say. (cont.)

# <u>>Moral of the story:</u>
>Always let your boss
have thefirst say. (cont.)

## on a tree resting,
doing

> nothing.

>A small rabbit saw

the eagle and asked

him,

>'Can I also sit like

you and do nothing?'

>The eagle answered:

'Sure, why not.'

>So, the rabbit sat on
the ground below the
>eagle and rested. All
of a sudden, a fox

# <u>>Moral of the story:</u>
>Always let your boss
have thefirst say. (cont.)

## on a tree resting,
doing (cont.)

# appeared,
>jumped on the rabbit
and ate it.
<u>>Moral of the story:</u>
>To be sitting and
doing nothing, you
must be
> sitting very, very high
up..

<u>>Lesson 5</u>

>A turkey was chatting
with a bull.
>'I would love to be

# appeared,
>jumped on the rabbit
and ate it.
<u>>Moral of the story:</u>
>To be sitting and
doing nothing, you
must be
> sitting very, very high
up..

<u>>Lesson 5</u> (cont.)

able to get to the top
>of that tree' sighed
the turkey, 'but I
haven't
>got the energy.'
>'Well, why don't you
nibble on some of my
droppings?'
> replied the bull.
They're packed with
> nutrients.'
>The turkey pecked at
a lump of dung, and
found
>it actually gave him

# appeared,
>jumped on the rabbit
and ate it.
<u>>Moral of the story:</u>
>To be sitting and
doing nothing, you
must be
> sitting very, very high
up..

<u>>Lesson 5</u> (cont.)

# enough strength to
reach
>the lowest branch of
the tree.

>The next day, after
eating some more
dung,
>he reached the second
branch.

>Finally after a fourth
night, the turkey was
>proudly perched at
the top of the tree.

>He was promptly

# enough strength to
reach
>the lowest branch of
the tree. (cont.)

# spotted by a farmer,
who shot
>him out of the tree.

# <u>>Moral of the story:</u>
>Bull Shit might get
you to the top, but it
>won't keep you there..

# <u>>Moral of the story:</u>
>Bull Shit might get
you to the top, but it
>won't keep you there.. (cont.)

## <u>>Lesson 6</u>

>A little bird was
flying south for the
winter.

>It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the

# <u>>Moral of the story:</u>
>Bull Shit might get
you to the top, but it
>won't keep you there.. (cont.)

## <u>>Lesson 6</u> (cont.)

> ground into a large
field.
>While he was lying
there, a cow came by
and
>dropped some dung
on him..
>As the frozen bird lay
there in the pile of cow
dung, he began to
realize how warm he
was..
>The dung was
actually thawing him

# <u>>Moral of the story:</u>
>Bull Shit might get
you to the top, but it
>won't keep you there.. (cont.)

## <u>>Lesson 6</u> (cont.)

out!
>He lay there all warm
and happy, and soon
began
>to sing for joy.
>A passing cat heard
the bird singing and
came
>to investigate.
>Following the sound,
the cat discovered the
>bird under the pile of
cow dung, and
promptly

# <u>>Moral of the story:</u>
>Bull Shit might get
you to the top, but it
>won't keep you there.. (cont.)

## <u>>Lesson 6</u> (cont.)

# <u>>Moral of the story:</u>
>Bull Shit might get
you to the top, but it
>won't keep you there.. (cont.)

## >dug him out and ate
him.

<u>>Morals of the story:</u>
>(1) Not everyone who
shits on you is your
> enemy.

>(2) Not everyone who
gets you out ofshit iS
> your
>friend.

>(3) And when you're
in deep shit, it's best
>to keep
>your mouth shut!

# <u>>Moral of the story:</u>
>Bull Shit might get
you to the top, but it
>won't keep you there.. (cont.)

## >dug him out and ate
him. (cont.)

# >THUS ENDS THE FIVE
MINUTE MANAGEMENT
COURSE
>Send this to at
> least five
> bright, funny people
you know and make
their day
>!

The New Busy think 9 to 5 is a cute idea. Combine multiple calendars with Hotmail. Get busy

# >THUS ENDS THE FIVE
MINUTE MANAGEMENT
COURSE
>Send this to at
> least five
> bright, funny people
you know and make
their day
>! (cont.)

The New Busy think 9 to 5 is a cute idea. Combine multiple calendars with Hotmail. <u>Get busy.</u>