From:
Sent Tue 8/3/2010 4:46:02 PM
Subject:  Report # 133: back to work

Hey Kids!!

When my fake husband complained about a rude concierge at Dar Al Masyaf, we were on our next stay upgraded to a I-bedroom suite which was absolutely HEAVEN! When I complained 4 times about the security implying that I'm a hooker, they gave me a coffee-table book about the hotel. Just what every complaining guest would wish for...

Staying at Dar Al Masyaf was the luxury version of boot camp / spa: A good workout in the gym every day (cold towels being served while on the elliptical), sweating for several hours every day (also called hanging by the pool in high humidity), cut-back on food (you can't eat in +42C heat), and a lot of walking (it's a big resort). Most people gain weight while on vacation, but I really got in shape!

When my friend came to visit me at Dar Al Masyaf he was so thankful that he had just bought a 5- series BMW. The cars that pull up at the valet parking are ultra luxury cars and at least a 5-series is less embarrassing to jump into than a Volvo...

He was also wondering what country I was in when I told him he had to bring his passport to be signed in. All guests of guests must sign in with passport.

Me, driving a beat up SUV is OK since I'm a highly rated guest (I'm not sure if I'm a highly RATED guest or highly ANNOYING guest). When the valet guys were going to put the luggage in the trunk and asked me to open, I said: "I don't know how to open it, it's not my car, my car is in the garage."

The valet guys looked at me as if I were a typical woman who doesn't know how to open her trunk: "Whatever you say, ma'm."

Last time I had SIX valet guys helping me with my I-piece luggage. This time I only had FOUR granted one of them was a hotel manager.

I went to see Salt with my new girlfriend, Zainab. In the opening scene where Angelina Jolie has a tube stuck her throat and water is poured into the tube, Zainab whispers to me: "That's called waterboarding. it's like drowning." it seemed like random knowledge to have for a prissy girl from San Francisco. Then i realized that as an Iraqi who lived there until age 16, she probably had problems bigger than what her Barbic should wear.

I will give you a price example at Dar Al Masya£ a 0.6 liter bottle of non-sparkling water is $5.50.

Since the UAE government can not intercept BlackBerry and collect data so they will suspend all BlackBerry services in October. This means NO BlackBerries will work in this country regardless of service. This country just cracks me up! They behave like spoiled children! It's fine. I'm ready to have the university pay for a new iPhone.

I most successfully managed to reverse in to a light post at the university parking lot. I just didn't see it! They should really put a sign on them or something...

Hope you all are enjoying the summer!